Reminders

I am walking as quickly as I can across a slippery street and then onto a snowy curb, maybe 4 meters from the bus stop sign. The bus is speeding through a green light that I tried wishing red but quickly realized it was too late. But I'm this close, it's this late, it's this cold- surely this bus driver will stop, I did give plenty of warning, the bus certainly can slow down in time. I wave my arm out, still walking toward the stop, now maybe 10 feet away. An empty bus zooms past me, disappearing around a curve, heading toward downtown where perhaps in its journey there and back it will pick up a couple passengers at most. I curse in Spanish, the driver can neither hear me nor would they understand my anger. After all, I wasn't AT the stop. Now I am walking as quickly as I can toward no destination in a cold that feels even more bitter than before. I start to lose feeling and movement in my fingers, despite my snug gloves. I am astounded, and reminded, and I wonder why I come back for things like this. To witness people's internalized habit of favoring efficiency and regulation over humanity.

Today I went to visit Santiago and he called another professor while I was sipping on a sweet little cup of fig coffee. He shouts into the phone, "I hate this country even in the summer!" So, I'm not alone at least.

Reality/Realidad

The other side: Snow's about as deep as my boots now, I don't mind walking through it because I never have to go too far. It's good to be able to move around in a city on foot- just being a few days in a house where even to get to a convenience store requires some sort of wheels made me appreciate how I like to stretch my legs and move swiftly down blocks, up stairs, down alleyways, through parks, on and on.

Mexico seems incredibly far away, but I don't like to think of it that way. Instead, I'm focusing on this wintery land around me and moving slowly but efficiently. Kalamazoo certainly doesn't feel the same but perhaps nothing does in the dead of winter. I've also found that my body doesn't want to become accustomed to sleeping in a different place every night, but hopefully it can hold out another week at least.

New Year's Eve was filled with love and grief, balloons and stomping boots, dancing and telling stories, and enough Michigan music to put me to sleep like a baby (after jumping, screaming and falling into the snow after stepping out of the theatre).

I still would be able to see the sun sometime, Michigan is beautiful, that's true, but I do miss the sun.