Reminders

I am walking as quickly as I can across a slippery street and then onto a snowy curb, maybe 4 meters from the bus stop sign. The bus is speeding through a green light that I tried wishing red but quickly realized it was too late. But I'm this close, it's this late, it's this cold- surely this bus driver will stop, I did give plenty of warning, the bus certainly can slow down in time. I wave my arm out, still walking toward the stop, now maybe 10 feet away. An empty bus zooms past me, disappearing around a curve, heading toward downtown where perhaps in its journey there and back it will pick up a couple passengers at most. I curse in Spanish, the driver can neither hear me nor would they understand my anger. After all, I wasn't AT the stop. Now I am walking as quickly as I can toward no destination in a cold that feels even more bitter than before. I start to lose feeling and movement in my fingers, despite my snug gloves. I am astounded, and reminded, and I wonder why I come back for things like this. To witness people's internalized habit of favoring efficiency and regulation over humanity.

Today I went to visit Santiago and he called another professor while I was sipping on a sweet little cup of fig coffee. He shouts into the phone, "I hate this country even in the summer!" So, I'm not alone at least.